Devils in Disguise: The Sinister Pavement Dyad
Many unspeakable evils lay behind the glorious maroon and white facade of the Governor’s Academy. Often people just unconsciously acknowledge their existence, and this invisibility makes the evils all the more lethal. Today I will unmask one such evil.
Yes, I am talking about the pavements between Phillips and Math & Science.
Two paths, but no direct route. 2022@Byfield, MA
Geometry dictates that the fastest way to go from point A to point B is via a straight line. However, we cannot do so in this case without trampling the precious grass. Instead, we are forced to choose one of two awkward detours. Given the fact that all students eat in the dining hall and most students take classes in Math & Science, a lack of direct road connection between the two popular buildings is highly inefficient.
According to my totally accurate and comprehensive investigation, walking from the beginning of the left path to the door of Math & Science takes about 64 steps. It takes 72 steps for the right path, and only 47 steps if one walks in a straight line. Hence, we are walking some 20 extra steps everytime we traverse these paths. That amounts to about 0.4 calories and 10 seconds wasted every time.
These numbers might not seem like much, but think about the total time and energy wasted for all students, faculty and staff for using these paths throughout the years. Assuming 500 people on campus, each person using the path once a day, in a month we would waste 150,000 seconds, or 41 hours. The number soon grows to be astronomical, and the consequences become obvious.
We do not have enough time. Because of the path we arrive late to class, miss tests, and end up in Saturday night study hall.
We do not have enough energy. Because of the path we sleep in class, through class, and even outside of class. The instagram account @govscaughtshlumped was founded entirely because this path is so physically challenging.
We do not have enough interest. Govs is losing students to neighborhood schools like Brooks and Andover. This is most likely because when visitors come on campus and walk on these paths in their tours, they are immediately uninterested in Govs due to its terrible design.
Our school has enough money to build a marine research center, but not a few more feet of pavement. (Or a laundry room, but that is a debate for another day) I ask that these pavements of evil be unmasked, so Govs can lay its fury upon them.
*The investigation took about 1 minute in total, so details are omitted.
*The reasoning in this article is totally not slippery-slope.